Character Training

Raising children takes much time, energy, patience and wisdom. In our years of parenting, we have noticed that investing in their character is utmost of importance and value. If we miss this vital part of their development then the child in whole is rather rocky, unstable, uncontent, unsatisfied and emotionally out of control to name a few! Every parent can attest to the fact that their innocent little babies soon turn into toddlers who have their own strong wills! (Gasp!) and all of a sudden their perfect little angel of a child shows their sin nature too and it can knock you off your seat so to speak and leave you feeling helpless, confused and upset.

I guess thats why there is the phrase "Terrible Twos"..haha...When we had little toddlers one wise woman once told me to never speak that phrase over my children and I never did. In fact, when people would say in almost expectancy "ohh boy, your child is 2 now...just wait for those terrible twos to peak" I would cringe and wish they hadnt said that right in front of our child. Instead, we choose to change our viewpoint about this age and realize that it is a GOOD thing that our child is showing they have free will and their own mindset. We do not want to stifle that in our child, rather "mold" their behaviour into self-controlled, flexible and adaptable children. As parents we have a huge responsiblity to train our children in the ways of the Lord, to rise up to have the fruits of the Spirit and to learn to get along and co-exist with others. This is particularly tricky when that self-will rises to the surface.

We use many at home examples and situations to help `train` our toddlers and children to first:obey their authority (either mom, dad, playgroup leader, their sunday school teachers or cubbie teachers etc), to put Jesus first, others next and themselves last. YEs, you read that right: we teach our children to think of themselves LAST. It is the J.O.Y acrynom. I was delighted to see the Duggars had this on their show one episode and thought it was great that we implemented this into our Home years ago and another Large family uses it effectively too!

We also teach the importance of first time obedience... for many reasons and the main one being for safety. This actually contradicts what the mainstream ideas are for raising children. Alot of parenting leaders teach the "1,2,3 method" in which you give your toddler or child up to 3 chances to listen and obey before the big consequence is given. This in our opinion is only setting up for bargaining and reluctance in the child to listen. When it comes to safety, just say a child was about to walk across a busy street and you said "No, wait!" and that child was used to the 3 chance routine of discipline so they didnt obey. Then they continue to walk off the sidewalk and into traffic and the parent is screaming "Stop, wait!" and the child thinks ohh, ill wait till they count to 3, so they proceed, and then they get hit by a car!! ...how unfortunate and tragic that would be!... all because the child didnt obey the FIRST time and was waiting for the 3 chances to listen and obey. This may seem like an extreme example, but it is valid. Valid enough for us to train our little ones to trust that Mommy and Daddy are constantly looking out for the best interest of their lives and are making decisions on their behalf to benefit them.

We use alot of Scripture too when we are training our little ones and rely heavily upon it for Character development. Teaching little ones about relationships with their family members is a good place to start too! Any parent with more than one child knows that there are PLENTY of oppurtunities for modelling behaviours and respect for others.

Each week our family recites and memorizes one memory verse or passage together and this is VITAL for unity in the home. We write out the passage or scripture verse, put it up on the dining room wall and we take the time to read it, talk about it, meditate on it and listen to each others interpretation of the verse. It can lead to some great spiritual discussions! By the end of the week, we have some of the children recite it out loud in front of the family and you should see the sense of pride and confidence they gain from it...as a side benefit.

We are also a family that PRAYS together. This helps with character training as it takes the focus off of ourselves and our problems with tattling, whining, blaming, complaining, uncontentment, unforgiveness and squabbling and puts the focus on our Lord. We are big believers in settling things before retiring for the night. ITs not good to be festering with anger, bitterness or bad feelings about someone else , but it is important to deal with that person lest unforgiveness and bitter roots should grow in our souls...

"BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, Ephesians 4:26 " This is a great verse to show that it is normal and natural to have human responses such as anger! it is what we do with that emotion that is important. We teach our children to have love, patience, goodness self-control and it is a challenge to practice these wholesome traits especially when you really do feel as if a sibling wronged you or hurt you. We also believe it is important to train our children how to treat others in society and give them plenty of social oppurtunities to do so. Exposing them to different settings, different people and children from various backgrounds helps to broaden their world view. I have noticed even at playgroup or church (where they are familiar and comfortable) they tend to stick to their "favorite" friends or peers.

This is where the fun part as a parent comes in because this is perfect training ground! It's great that our children have meaningful relationships with their peers but its not okay that in having those , there is possibility of excluding other children who may be new, not in their circle of friends, or even different. As a mother I have witnessed our children gravitate to the kids they're comfortable with and ONLY play with those same friends and do not include others. This is where we have stepped in, seperated them and put them beside someone they are not used to hanging out with. At first, there is resistance, but sooner or later, they are including these "new friends" in the games or songs alongside all the other children.

It is lovely to see and teaches our little ones to ACCEPT and welcome anybody and to have zero tolerance of "cliques" or exclusivity in their circles. We are also careful to teach them that "whispering" to others in public is very hurtful and makes others feel unimportant and its quite rude too! This is very important to train in our children, as it will benefit them for when they attend school, or extra curricular activities and gives them a sense of compassion for others.

Training Children in their characters is a big investment but we need to remember as parents, that the first 6 years of a childs life literally lays the foundation for the rest of their lives! We want well-rounded, loving, forgiving, accepting, God-honouring, unselfish and generous children who have had oppurtunities to refine these godly traits so that they become responsible, independent, and loving adults someday.

God gives us so many oppurtunities to do this and we are blessed to have little ones to train. One of our motto verses we as a husband and wife in our Home is as follows: "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up" Deuteronomy 6:7 This verse pretty much sums up WHEN we should be training our little ones. I also love the word "DILIGENTLY" here...it brings conviction to me. the dictionary describes the word Diligent this way: Marked by persevering, painstaking effort

wow..what a challenge for us parents! The benefits of training our children's character is LIFELONG for them though...so it is WORTH it ALL! May God bless you as you find small ways to implement the scriptures into your days with small children and as God blesses you with oppurtunities to train their little hearts/characters into those of Godly Traits for the purpose of Serving Him and Others .